29th Birthday Reflections

I will be celebrating my birthday next week and it has been my tradition to blog about it. Each passing year I reflect on my blessings, counting each and every one of them. But this year I will try something new…

Instead of counting my blessings I would like to reflect on my shortcomings. I will courageously share with you the “human” side of me. The side which I have tried so hard to hide from the rest of the world. I guess it is in our nature that we easily share all our blessings while we try to hide our mistakes. World is very harsh in terms of passing on judgment to other people and I have learned that each and every passing year. This is something hard for me to do but yes I will gather up my courage and share it with you…

1. I’m bad with money matters – Yes this is my utmost weakness. Im not good in terms of managing our finances. I guess I got this since I was a kid. My parents never trained me on saving money or budgeting. I wish there’s an actual class for this in college that I could push myself to excel in. If there are any, I will definitely enroll my daughter in one of those. I mess up with finances big time and this is actually draining my whole energy and eating up the remaining enthusiasm in my body.  My action plan: study, study, study! Believe it or not I would want to learn more about budgeting. Any suggestions on this?

2. I am a Procastinator – I wasn’t actually like this in my younger years. I have always been a competitive one, I always want to excel on my class, projects, exams. I review my lessons a week before the exams. I try to get ahead of everyone else. But right after college, and when I entered the real-life and received the first real punches of life, it knocked me out real fast. And it seems I wasn’t able to really get back up. The past year, I have procastinated on things which lead me to lose projects, clients and made relationships sour. It became a habit of mine to just lock up and and sleep away my problems. I have become somebody I barely knew. A mentor once told me that it was my depression thats pulling me down and the major cause of my procastination. Believe me it has gone so worse that have driven me to really get mad at myself and put an end to this.

I have started my action plan on this: face my fears! I realized that the more I hid from the “punches” the more I will lose and become a failure. I have decided to leave my hometown and dwell in a new place as a fresh start, new beginnings. There is still a long path to take for me to get over my problem with procastination, but I definitely want to put an end to this.

3. I am not comfortable with myself- This year, I realized I have even added a few new names to the people who hates me.  I guess I am really not good with maintaining relationships with other people. Somehow throughout the years, I became anti-social. For the past 5 years, I have barely attend social gatherings, if I did, I just eat and leave. Not even striking a conversation to people I barely knew. Its because physically and emotionally, I am no longer confident of who I am. I stay away from socialization to avoid judgment and gossips from other people. I am a very sensitive person and one minor harsh comment can haunt me for weeks.

Honestly, I don’t know how to resolve this… Cause I know I have to make a major overhaul on how I look at myself and regain the confidence I once have. (I would welcome your thoughts and suggestions).

God has given me 29 years of existence in this earth… I pray that God will give me more years, so that I will be given another change to renew myself. Hopefully next year, I will write with a better version of me…


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